Poolsville Picks 2014, Week 6!

After five weeks on special DARPA assignment in support of Bret "Coach B." Bielema's resurgent Arkansas Razorbacks (Go Hogs!), NCAAFConverter has the weekend off and is therefore available to help G-Unit go beyond the 1-4 barrier (last week's 4-1 showing notwithstanding). So without further ado, here are Glennie B's Week 6 pix:

1.  Texas A&M v. Mississippi State (Vegas: State by 2)
NCAAFConverter : Bothered Bulldog.

The name of the game in the SEC West is Awesomeness Parity; division members can slug it out against each other and STILL lord it oer their lower-caste SEC East brethren, let alone the unwashed of the other so-called "power conferences". State is coming off an epic win in The Swamp, while the Aggies barely survived their Jerry World outing against the Hogs (due in no small part to the fact that The Converter exceeded manufacturer's specs by the end of the third quarter (never more than one Lime-A-Rita every quarter hour) and was unavailable in the final minutes). This time it's A&M turn to run wild; AGGIES for the win.

2.  Stanford v. Notre Dame (Vegas : The Cardinal by 2)
NCAAFConverter : Leprechaun staying power

I really don't care about either Stanford or Notre Dame so I'm relying solely on The Converter's picture of some "polar bear plunge" (was this the forerunner to the ice bucket challenge?), where a crazed leprechaun outlasts a probably very nice person in a Cardinal jacket - DOMERS for the win.

3.  Alabama v. Old Miss (Vegas : 'Bama by 7; bonus point in play)
NCAAFConverter : Roll Tide!

Now I am no Ole Miss fan, but I'm a Hugh Freeze admirer and I'm looking forward to the day that he leads the faithful once again to back-to-back Cotton Bowl victories. In fact, this might be one of those years. But 2014 won't see Johnny Reb victorious over a well-armed elephant. 'BAMA for the win,

4.  Oklahoma v. TCU (Vegas : Sooners by 5; bonus point in play)
NCAAFConverter : Frog's moment of truth

OK, TCU, your moment in the sun is here. TCU for the win. Gimme that bonus point, O Mayor of Poolsville.

5.  LSU v. Auburn (Vegas : Aubie by 7; bonus point in play)
NCAAFConverter : Tiger soup!

NCAAFConverter's drone cam spots one tiger eating grass. LSU for the win! Sorry, Aubie, but LSU's turn to disappoint was last week. Gimme that bonus point, O Mayor of Pollsville!

Back in the game!

Poolsville Picks 2013, Week of Champions

I can honestly say I am not sad to see the 2013 regular season finally come to a close. Of course, for some teams, the end came last Saturday, or in fact in one notable case, last Friday afternoon in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. There is no worthwhile purpose in seeking out the perfect words with which to express the disappointment of the Razorbacks' 2013 season. Instead, we'll look ahead to next year's campaign which, it must be said, surely cannot be as bad as this year.

However, there is at least one aspect of college football 2013 that demands careful review -NCAAFConverter. Born in a DARPA lab in the desert outside Las Vegas, raised on a steady diet of NCAAF head coach Twitter feeds (mostly SEC but with a measure of other major and mid-major conferences added in), The Converter bills itself as a fine-tuned prognostication machine churning out winning pick after winning pick, week after week. Instead, in the first week of December, The Converter finds itself hovering at the surface of the bottom quintile of the pool, rattling off 2-3 outings like they were in danger of going out of style, all the while leaking oil on the garage floor and making an awful wracket to boot. All I can say is, if The Converter does not step turn things around, it may find itself out on the curb some snowy morning next January.

So let's fire up The Converter and see whether it'll try to redeem itself now that we're down to a salvage operation. Here we go:

1.  Oklahoma - Oklahoma State (nine point undersooner OU worth two bonus points)
     NCAAFConverter : Cowpokes timeless; Sooner schooner past its prime

Interesting to think that Levi's Jeans have been around for almost 150 years, overlapping the heyday of the covered wagon. But which one is still in service today, while the other is more suited for the history museum? Mike Gundy looks pretty good in those jeans; OSU for the win. You can keep your bonus points, O Mayor of Poolsville.
2.  Texas - Baylor (15 point undercattle worth three bonus points)
     NCAAFConverter : Time for Bears to fold?

I don't think Mack Brown's gonna pull this off, but from what I can see, those Bears have a weak hand, but in a way that's bigger than tomorrow's game. Could Baylor lose for winning? What if a dominant Bear performance results in UT luring Bryles away from the shores of the Brazos River? Just over a hundred years ago, Waco lost TCU to Ft. Worth; maybe the money in Austin will peel off another of its bright lights. BU for the win, you can keep those shiny bonus points, O Mayor of Poolsville.

3.  Missouri - Auburn (war eagle favored by 2)
     NCAAFConverter : Just out of reach.

Although talent and skill have appeared in abundance during Auburn's 2013 season, exceptional fortune have also played a role. And while Missouri has earned its romp though the SEC East, they'll find themselves at the end of the game staring at a clawful of tail feathers as the war eagle soars off with another lucky victory. AU for the win.

4.  Stanford - Arizona State (ASU by 3)
     NCAAFConverter : Maybe it's time to rethink my PAC-12 bias

I've never been a fan of the PAC-12: I'm sure it's because of USC's membership (although the Kiffin years were great!). But The Converter's pick for the PAC-12 championship game appears to be spot on. ASU for the win.

5.  Ohio State - Michigan State (5 point underspartan MSU worth a bonus point)
     NCAAFConverter : Mich. Agr. Col.?

The Converter is going old school old school with this one. MSU for the win. And I'll take that shiny bonus point, O Mayor of Poolsville.

Poolsville Picks, Week of Bitter Ends

The ashes were cold. Some blackened pots stood about. He squatted on his heels and picked one up and smelled it and put it back. He stood and looked out the window. Gray trampled grass. Gray snow. He held the boy's hand and they went down a narrow black hallway into the kitchen. Trash piled up everywhere. A ruststained sink. Smell of mold and excrement.

1.  The Iron Bowl - Alabama - Auburn (11 point undereagle worth two bonus points)
     NCAAFConverter : It's the trees. They're falling down.

The snow fell nor did it cease to fall. He woke all night and got up and coaxed the fire to light again. He looked at the boy's face sleeping in the orange light. The sunken cheeks streaked with black. He fought back the rage. Useless. The snow whispered down in the stillness and the sparks rose and dimmed and died in the eternal blackness.  Bama for the win. You can keep your shiny bonus points O Mayor of Poolsville.

2.  Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate Georgia - Georgia Tech (UGA by three)
     NCAAFConverther : The motor sounded ropey. Missing and puttering. Then it quit.

They moved on east through the standing dead trees. They passed am old frame house and crossed a dirt road. A cleared plot of ground perhaps once a truckgarden. Stopping from time to time to listen. The unseen sun cast no shadow. They came upon the road unexpectedy and he stopped the boy with one hand and they crouched in the roadside ditch like lepers and listened. No wind. Dead silence. After a while he rose and walked out into the road. Come on, he said.The boy came out and the man pointed out the tracks in the ash where the truck had gone.UGA for the win. Richt will save the final disappointing loss for Georgia's bowl game.

3.  The Palmetto Bowl - Clemson - South Carolina (5 point undertiger worth a bonus point)
     NCAAFConverter : He could see the disappointment in his face.

He could see open country to the east and the air was different.Then they came upon it from a turn in the road and they stopped and stood with the salt wind blowing in their hair where they'd lowered the hoods of their coats to listen. Out there was the gray beach with the skow combers rolling dull and leaden and the distant sound of it. Like the desolation of some alien sea breaking on the shores of a world unheard of. Out on the tidal flats lay a tanker half careened. Beyond that the ocean vast and cold and shifting heavily like a slowly heaving vat of slag and then the gray squall line of ash. What began with such promise against Georgia ends dully with an in-state loss; Carolina for the win.

4.  Texas A&M - Missouri (Tigers by four)
     NCAAFConverter : Is the night going to catch us? I don't know.

He got up and walked out to the road. The black shape of it running from dark to dark. Then a distant low rumble. Not thunder. You could feel it under your feet. A sound without cognate and so without description. The earth itself contracting with the cold. It did not come again. Mizzou for the win.

5.  Battle for Los Angeles - UCLA - USC (USC by three).
NCAAFConverter : I think I want to say goodbye to him.

And I won't forget. No matter what.

Once there were brook trout in the streams in the mountains. On their backs were vermiculate patterns that were maps of the world in its beginning. Maps and mazes. Of a thing which could not be put back. Not be made right again. USC for the win.

Poolsville Picks 2013, Week #9

A day late, a dollar short, The Converter has a bye week this week, leaving me to do this by myself. So here goes:

1.  Boise State - BYU (7 point underbronco BSU worth a bonus point)
     NCAAFConverter : Classic Bronco leads.

Even though I'm calling it with perfect 20/20 (or, rather, 37/20) hindsight, it's hard to see how BYU loses this one. BSU for the win.

2.  Texas Tech - Oklahoma (7 point underraider worth a bonus point)
     NCAAFConverter : Raiders know the good stuff is in the wagon. 

Put your hat back on, red raider; your politeness has just cost you the game. OU for the win.
3.  South Carolina - Missouri
     NCAAFConverter : Parts is parts.

There won't be much to put back together after Missouri is done with Carolina (even though the Gamecocks will still score TWICE on the Razorbacks this Saturday). Mizzou for the win.

4.  Texas - TCU
     NCAAFConverter : Frog follower.

Well, the picture will not load. No matter; it was not a good one. Not much good at all. About as good as a 7-5 record (7-6 after losing its crappy bowl game). Where is the unhappiness quotient higher, Ft. Worth, or Austin? UT for the win! Mack Brown, you can keep your resume in your desk for another season!

5.  Stanford - Oregon State
     NCAAFConverter : WTF?

Uh, not that kind of cardinal. And not that kind of beaver. Stanford for the win.

Poolsville Picks 2013, Week #8

You would not believe NCAAFConverter is coming of its first 5-0 of the year. And that's because I picked against the machine in not one game (went for Arky instead of Carolina) but two (chose Georgia over Missouri). I always experience a frisson of thrill when hitting "send" on any email submitting upset pics (last week, Arkansas); watching Mizzou grab the upset ring makes the failed upset pick all that more depressing.

So this week, I'll stand back and let The Converter pick all five games without operator interference. Here we go:

1.  TCU - Oklahoma State (7 point underfrog TCU worth a bonus point)
     NCAAFConverter : You look ridiculous in that hat.

TCU's performance seems to have fallen off to a slight degree this year; maybe it is taking time to adjust to BCS conference play. And from The Converter's call on this one, it seems like TCU is still making adjustments to fit. This one looks a little tight, and the color does not suit the frog. OSU for the win; you can keep your bonus point, O Mayor of Poolsville.

2.  Florida - Missouri (UF by 3) 
     NCAAFConverter : You should turn around now.

Yes, I know Missouri just lost its star quarterback but with Florida coming off a loss to LSU and a not particularly impressive win over a disappointing Arkansas, I'm not sure the Gators have enough in the tank to get the job done. So I'm letting The Converter run with this one as well; Mizzou for the win.

3.  UCLA - Stanford (5 point underbear worth a bonus point)
     NCAAFConverter : Bear Air.

I will never pretend to understand what goes on in the Pac-12 or West Coast football in general. I'm always happy to see USC lose and I'll always be amazed at the quality of football in Oregon. Other than that, I'm inclined to once again rely on The Converter. UCLA for the win; gimme that bonus point, O Mayor of Poolsville.

4.  USC - Notre Dame (ND by 3)
     NCAAFConverter : How did he get up there?

I'm surprised at the narrow three-point spread; seems like Notre Dame should be the stronger favorite. Is it that bad for USC that firing Kiffin mid-season has actually improved their outlook this much? But apparently, not enough to throw that leprechaun off the back of the Trojan horse; Notre Dame for the win.

5.  Florida State - Clemson (FSU by 3)
     NCAAFConverter : That cat is just messing with you now, Chief Osceola.

 

Clemson has looked good from the very start of the season and I haven't seen anything yet that would change my opinion. Glad that The Converter agrees. Clemson for the win.

Poolsville Picks 2013, Week #7

Who in the world thinks that a 3-2 outing is something to be proud of? The Converter does, apparently. And I guess this should come as no surprise; 3-2 is NCAAFConverter's high water mark for the entire season to date! Keep it up, Converter; you can lord your mediocrity all the way to the scrap heap at the end of the season, if that's what you want.

So let's go - What do you have for us this week, Converter?

1.  Missouri - Georgia (8 point undertiger Mizzou worth a bonus point)
     NCAAFConverter : Tiger's got your tail.

It appears this playful tiger cub has grown too big to worry much about that bulldog. But if The Converter is predicting a win by Mizzou, I will respectfully disagree. UGA for the win. You can keep your shiny bonus point, O Mayor of Poolsville.



2.  South Carolina - Arkansas (6 point underhog worth a bonus point)
     NCAAFConverter : Chicken in the driver's seat.

This time, The Converter's going with the favorite, but I once again disagree; the underhog is ready to show he has learned much over the last three losses. Arky for the win.

3.  Florida - LSU (7 point undergator Florida worth a bonus point)
     NCAAFConverter : More than one predator in the swamp.

I agree with The Converter on this one; LSU for the win.

4.  Michigan - Penn State (Michigan by 2)
     NCAAFConverter : Wolverine pinned down.

Looks like the mountain lion has the jump on the wolverine.  Penn State for the win.
5.  Oregon State - Washington State (Washington State by 1)
     NCAAFConverter : [self-explanatory]

Agree with NCAAFConverter - Oregon State for the win.
 

Poolsville Picks 2013, Week #6

So here's the deal - NCAAFConverter picked exactly five winners over the course of the last three weeks. Every player may get a trophy in youth soccer but until Chinese overseas manufacturing figures out how to mass produce the Ramon Escobar Trophy, this kind of perfomance is absolutely unacceptable. NCAAFConverter has been put on notice; either the picks improve, or extreme repurposing may be in order (I'm considering relegating The Converter for duty as a patriotic clip art image sorter for Tea Party websites (American flag images in this folder, U.S. Constitution images in that folder, Founding Father images over there, and special subfolders for any of the above images that also depict Glenn Beck in heroic poses)).

Thusly put on notice, The Converter turns in the following picks:

1.  UCLA - Utah (UCLA by 4)
     NCAAFConverter : Unfortunate stereotyping still sells.

 

[Program note - It's a special kind of sadness you feel when posting a Poolsville pick the morning after the picked team (Utah for the win) lost. At this point, The Converter is flirting with danger, and not in a good way]

2.  Ole Miss - Auburn (Ole Miss by 2)
     NCAAFConverter : Bear pinned by vicious tigers.

Great match-up of former ASU head coaches here. Hugh Freeze may be doing great things for Ole Miss but The Converter believes the Black Bears are in hot water this week. Looks like this one goes to Gus. Auburn for the win.

3.  Arizona State - Notre Dame (5 point underdome Notre Dame worth a bonus point)
     NCAAFConverter : Ugly loss for the Leprechaun.

Quality control is sorely lacking in The Converter's submission; it if manages to make it through the season (thereby outperforming Lane Kiffin, at least), adjustments will be in order. But the message is clear here; the Sun Devils have the upper hand. Arizona State for the win.

4.  Ohio State - Northwestern (5 point undercat Northwestern worth a bonus point)
     NCAAFConverter : What in the world?

  I have no idea where The Converter found this image, or what sports team or school or organization or even species is supported here! The tea leaves are murky, so we'll go with alphabetical order on this one. Ohio State for the win. You can keep your shiny bonus point, O Mayor of Poolsville.

5.  Washington - Stanford (6 point underhusky worth a bonus point).
     NCAAFConverter : What in the world?

What a happy husky! It's like he doesn't even know The Cardinal is messing with him. Stanford for the win. You can keep your shiny bonus point, O Mayor of Poolsville.