Poolsville Picks - Week #5

Week 5 must be the worst week in college football. A dwindling number of undefeated teams lurch uneasily into the heart of the season, apprehensive that some also-ran will catch them napping. Many 3-1 teams (looking at you, USC) are trying to figure out how a season could feel like its over even before its fully begun. The 2-2's are regrouping, reminding themselves that a 10-2 season is still (outside chance) within their grasp. And finally, the 1-3's, you SunBelts and MACs, the C-USAs, are counting up the take on their money trips to Lincoln, to Eugene, to Gainsville, preparing for the beginning of their campaigns for Go Daddy Bowl glory. Or so this is how NCAAFConverter sees it - to me, it's just good-old college football.

The Converter has been subdued this week, coming, as it is, off a 2-3 showing. The swagger has been noticeably absent this week, which has been a good thing. In fact, The Converter's been busily sharpening pencils and jotting down cyphers pretty much non-stop since Monday (taking breaks only to watch The Daily Show and Thursday's SNL Weekend Update prime-time special). So it's on (that is to say, it is literally on, The Converter is switched to 'on') and here we go:

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1.  Baylor - West Virginia (12 pt underdog Baylor worth 2 bonus points)
NCAAFConverter : Do you have this in an extra-large?

Get free shipping at The North Face

Oh, there are no burning couches for this mountaineer. And what relative comfort a burning couch would provide! No, this rugged American classic knows only the kind of hardship and deprivation that would make a Cormac McCarthy novel seem like "a happy place". The Baylor Bears may rule supreme in the land of Whataburger but in West F&#$in' Virginia, there's nothing but pain. WVU for the win, you can keep your bonus points.

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2,  Ohio State - Michigan State (Sparty by 3)
NCAAFConverter : A little flash of ankle will bring down even the mightiest

Apparently, The Converter stumbled across this original piece of art intended to celebrate the nuptial of a classic House Divided, the marriage of a MSU Spartan and an OSU Buckeye. But so much is left to wonder - what's that creature in the background? A Badger? Wolverine? And does Sparty, even for a second, stand a chance? Guys, you all know how this one's going to end; OSU for the win.

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3.  Tennessee - Georgia (13 point (dang, that's an Arky-sized spread!) underdog UT worth 3 bonus points)
NCAAFConverter : Rocky Top has been infiltrated

I would like to give The Converter credit and indeed, sing the machine's high praises 24-7, but that's kind of hard to do when I found out The Converter bogged down all day yesterday processing images of bulldog puppies at rescue shelters (The Converter's lame excuse was that "gosh they are just soo cute!"). But in amongst the sweetest of sweet ones was this one, UGA a/k/a David O. Dodd, infiltrating enemy lines, wreaking havoc on the boiled peanut supply line down to Knoxville. Wake Up, Volunteer Nation, the Derek Dooley hot seat's gonna be gettin' hotter. UGA for the win and you can keep your bevy of bonus points.

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4.  Texas Tech - Iowa State (Red Raiders by 2)
NCAAFConverter : Up, up and away!

Riders on the Storm

This is where I have to confess that The Converter suffers from a major programming glitch - NCAAFConverter does not know Iowa. At all. Iowa, Iowa State, maybe there is an Iowa Tech in there somewhere, and there's Grenell to factor in. Big 10 (12 members), Big 12 (10 members), and part of the state lies under the CFL's influence (I think). Maybe the Nebraska move to the Big 10 is the biggest confusing factor. But no matter, The Converter is afraid of what it does not understand, so it'll be ISU for the win (and west Texas wept).

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5.  Texas - Oklahoma State (Longhorns by 2)
NCAAFConverter : Too late to close the barn door now, Cowboy

 

In what would appear to be a season in which Mack Brown very subtly courts an HC offer from Jeff Long, The Converter calculates that the Longhorns will run away with this one (the machine is also banking on UT ending the season 8 - 4, with at least one more loss being just a bewilderment to its fans (KSU, your work here is done). Or what about you, Mike Gundy? If you are not going to get it done at OSU, maybe should you step aside for someone who will (and grab lunch with Jeff Long in the meantime)? Another UT win is what The Converter is calling - the remainder of the future is cloudy.

 

WPS!!





Poolsville Picks - Week #4

It is my distinct pleasure to observe that NCAAFConverter is coming off its best week yet here in the second year of its quest for the coveted Ramon Escobar Trophy (http://poolsville.blogspot.com/), landing four winners out of five and nosing out Danny Stehle on the the points total (The Converter did wonder, however, why it is shown as playing under the pseudonym 'Glenn Borkowski'). Yes, The Converter was rather proud of itself and, quite frankly, was starting to get a little annoying about the whole thing. All of that changed, however, when I made a derisive comparison between The Converter and IBM's Watson, and from there forward, The Converter reverted to its sullen old self.


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1.  BYU - Boise State (7 point underdog BYU worth a bonus point)


NCAAFConverter : Bronco comes out on top

 I think The Converter is thinking straight on this one; BYU is probably still in shock after the Ute home crowd stormed the field three times last Saturday. They must have wondered, will it ever end? And the answer is, no, at least not yet. Boise State for the win; keep the bonus point.

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2.  Missouri - South Carolina (10 point underdog Mizzou worth two bonus points)


NCAAFConverter : Tastes like chicken

For a while there, The Converter was practically overwhelmed by images of tigers eating chicken - is that all that the zookeepers feed them? Seems like a very unfair fight to me; hard to see how flightless fowl will ever come out on top. That being said, this Saturday's SEC matchup won't be near as imbalanced and in fact, it'll be a struggle if these tigers come out on top. Nevertheless, Missouri is due at least one high-profile victory in its SEC debut season, and Saukerlina may as well be it. So for two bonus points, I'll take Mizzou for the win.

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3.  Michigan - Notre Dame (6 point underdog UM worth a bonus point)


NCAAFConverter : Leprechaun in charge 

I had no idea what was going on in this picture when The Converter first popped it up. However, on further examination, I am told this is Wolverine Bank's deposits sales and service manager Nick Lyons. Apparently, Mr. Lyons lost a bet and as a result, he had to wear a leprechaun costume on St. Patrick's Day. But I say, shame on, Wolverine Bank, for letting a leprechaun run wild like this; Notre Dame for the win (and keep your bonus point).

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4.  Kansas State - Oklahoma (14 point underdog KSU worth three bonus points)


NCAAFConverter : That cat looks less than comfortable

I think I can see where The Converter was going with this one; while I'm not certain if the classic Radio Flyer properly substitutes for the Sooner Schooner, I am virtually certain that that's a wildcat on board (and a well-fed one at that). So is The Converter calling for the upset here? On that front, I am less sure. I'll be conservative and call OU for the win; you can keep your bonus points.

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5.  Clemson - Florida State (14 point underdog Clemson worth three bonus points)

NCAAFConverter : WWII German Tiger tank paired with Indian motorcycle (with sidecar)

Apparently, The Converter did not use 'Seminole' as its FSU input but instead, the more generic term 'Indian'. And I am so glad it did; I love it when The Converter finds images of this classic motorcycle in various settings. But if I am not mistaken, The Converter is clearly trying to telegraph us with the upset of the week; an Indian motorcycle, even with sidecar, is no match for a German Tiger tank. I'll take Clemson for the win and will happily watch the bonus points pile up by the front door.

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Oh, and be warned; do not click on the link below. Don't do it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bZkp7q19f0&feature=player_embedded

Poolsville Picks - Week #3

After the Louisiana-Monroe debacle last Saturday The Converter has been running on overdrive, as they say (powered solely on Red Bull and tobacco) trying to determine what happened, how it happened, and what it all means. Alas, the machine found no answers, although it discovered an inexplicable pride in seeing the Razorbacks receive the Tears of Unfathomable Sadness(http://www.sbnation.com/2012/9/11/3316898/arkansas-football-2012), an honor few programs are even qualified to receive. It took a 9 p.m. curfew and mandatory hourly fresh air breaks (and surreptitiously replacing the Red Bull with flat Diet Cokes) to coax The Converter to consider new business.

So no guaranties this week at NCAAFConverter finds five winners for us in week 3 of Div. I college football 2012.

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Florida - Tennessee (Vols by 3)
NCAAFConverter : Get the duck tape outta the truck now and stop taking godd&#ned pictures.

Looks to me like these Volunteers have the Gators under control, but I do suggest that this may not be the ideal time to focus on uploading pictures of your alligator encounter to your twitter feed. Vols for the win; they'll have their hands full but emerge victorious.

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Arizona State - Missouri (bonus point for 6 point underdog ASU)
NCAAFConverter : Classic standoff.

So the designers at Playmobil already gamed out Saturday's contest in Columbia? Well, I don't care how cool your trident is; when your opponent is armed for the Colombian narco wars, you don't stand a chance. Tigers for the win; keep your bonus point.

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USC - Stanford (bonus point for the 8 point undercardinal)
NCAAFConverter : Always put a winner on the cover of your magazine.

Yes, I know, for the past week, The Converter has been dwelling to an unhealthy degree on perhaps the greatest NCAAF upset of all time and surely, this has colored the machine's thinking (it's also picking Louisiana-Monroe for the win against Auburn, even though the Mayor of Poolsville did not choose the game this week). But who am I to say that lightning can't strike twice (or three times)? I'll go with The Cardinal for the win, and I'll take the bonus point. 

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Notre Dame - Michigan State (bonus point for the 3 point underdog Irish)
NCAAFConverter : It's a Stomp Sparty Party.

That's not nice, leprechaun! But what IS nice is the award of a bonus point for going out on a limb for a 3 point underdog. I'll take ND for the win, and I'll take the bonus point.

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BYU - Utah (BYU by 4)
NCAAFConverter : That cougar is more of a pussycat.

Nothing like a painted gourd to round out the picks this week. I'll take the Utes for the win while The Converter looks for the bonus point that should have been hung on this game as well.

Poolsville Picks - Week #2!

I'm late getting The Converter back up and running; my plans to spend spring training and the summer fundamentally overhauling the machine resulted zero progress.  Well, not zero; I did replace some of the baggie ties with real wire (well, the stuff you use for hanging pictures) and I replaced the burned-out bulbs. But the CPU? Same unreliable piece of crap from last year (and on last week's no-image trial run, The Converter is generating wins (3-2) at about the same pace that the Obama Administration is creating jobs.

But it's game time, so let's get to it.

1.  AUBURN v. MISSISSIPPI STATE (State by 3)
NCAAFConverter : Someone call PETA.

I'll throw up my hands and surrender to fate and the strength of the machine on this one; I was of the opinion that Auburn's fall from grace was so great that it was in danger of being eclipsed by State. But maybe not; looks like the Tiger (and sidekick War Eagle) has taken it hard to this poor dog.
AUBURN for the win!

2.  MIAMI v. KANSAS STATE (bonus for 7-point underdog Miami)
NCAAFConverter : Wildcats by a nose.

And this time The Converter appears to be firing on all of the 18 cylinders in its Rolls Royce Merlin engine - America's can-do winning attitude watched the sun set over the British Empire from the cockpit of a Grumman F 4F Wildcat.
KSU for the win!

3.  FLORIDA v. TEXAS A&M (Aggies by 1)
NCAAFConverter : Billboard WHOOP!

What's that ClearChannel - FL, LLC? Someone took a chain saw (and then later, out of compounded frustration, a cutting torch) to one of your $5k-a-month boards? Who the hell was the sales rep on that account, and is maybe is he a damned Texan? Nice start, Aggies.
A&M for the win!

4.  NEBRASKA v.UCLA (5-point underdog Bruins worth a bonus point)
NCAAFConverter : Bear Corn WTF you crazy japanese?!??

Who knew that those crazy Japanese have a whole industry segment dedicated to animating bears in various vegetable forms, including corn? Is there a parallel division where corn takes on the entirety of the animal kingdom? I hope so, and I sure hope The Converter's burning pure ethynol on this one.
UCLA for the win! Gimme the bonus point!

5.  GEORGIA v. MISSOURI (UGA by 3)
NCAAFConverter : another tigers-bulldogs matchup? See AU-MSU above?


Well, Mayor of Poolsville, you managed to piss off The Converter by causing it to use the SAME imputs for two different games. The Converter is now over in the kitchen knocking back Red Stripes like they are Miller Lite. So I'm on my own, and all I can do is search for the face of victory. And I have found it/her. Mizzou, welcome to the SEC.
UGA for the win!