Good news, bad news with NCAAFConverter tonight. Apparently, we ran out of Miller Lite sometime around 7 p.m.; The Converter left in a huff and has not been seen since. Thankfully, I have a back-up plan; a law school buddy who practices in Boston came across this thing called ORCA (
http://www.politico.com/blogs/burns-haberman/2012/11/meet-orca-romneys-stcentury-turnout-program-that-wasnt-149186.html) completely discarded out on the loading dock of the Boston Convenion Center in the wee hours of Wednesday morning; he grabbed it, shipped it down to Arkansas overnight (UPS, of course; FedEx is a non-union shop) and although the gears and moving parts on ORCA had been all gummed up with a mix of tea, compressed confetti (never launched) and tears, I think I have ORCA humming like a top now. Let's see how she does...
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1. Oregon State - Stanford
ORCA : A Holiday Hello!
Sometimes you just can't make this s#!t up. WTF, Bucky Beaver? Did your life experiences not instruct you on the fact that The Cardinal is a raptor, a bird of prey? This festive holiday scene must have been water-colored right before The Cardinal took that twig and shoved it [wait-family channel...] O.k., no sure what happened to that twig or that beaver but even from across the screened-in porch, I can tell from ORCA's emphatic gestures that
The Cardinal will take this one by a wide margin.
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2. West Virginia - Oklahoma State (7 point underdog Mountaineers worth a bonus point)
ORCA : WVU's Poke Sushi Menu?
Did the Big 12 know about this before they extended a conference invite to those hillbillies? And even worse - did they know about the hockey team? But what do I know about the Big 12; all those Iowa schools, and possibly one in Alberta? Big XII, (some of) your football is good, but ORCA became completely side-tracked on this one.
OSU for the win you can send your shiny bonus point to the Retire Romney's Campaign Debt fund, O Mayor of Poolsville.
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3. Penn State - Nebraska (7 point underdog PSU worth a bonus point).
ORCA : No joy in Mudville.
Sorry, Penn State and, by association, on a game-by-game basis, each of their opponents; until Penn State overcomes its Sandusky demons, not even OCRA can find humor in this call.
Huskers for the win. The shiny bonus point is lost on you, PSU.
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4. Texas A&M - Alabama (13 point underdog Aggies worth three bonus points).
ORCA : WTF, ORCA?
ORCA, I was willing give you the benefit of the doubt. You are the brain-child of the best that bucket-loads of entrepreneurial and political money can buy. Your performance date (that is to say, Election Day) has been on the calendar since, well, since it was spelled out in the Constitution. All you had to do is meet your performance specs. Well, I have repeatedly input key search values such as "12th man and elephant", "farmer and red water", and another dozen iterations on this theme in-between. The only constant image result that I get is this jack-ass. So yes, you'd better believe I'm going conservative on this one;
'Bama for the win. You can send those luxurious, unused bonus points to Florida care of the Allen West Election Recount Heroes' Fund, because that'll be where they'll find their highest and best use.
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5. Kansas State - TCU (7 point underdog Frogs worth a bonus point)
ORCA : Found it on Pinterest!
ORCA? Surfing Pinterest when BCS football is on the line? Get out. Just get out. I am on to you; TCU is not going to throw a railroad tie in the path of the Snyder bus tomorrow. I'm calling BS on ORCA; this is
KSU for the win. Contribute that shiny bonus point to the endowment fund for the Sean Hannity Chair of Evolutionary Thought at Ave Maria School of Law, where it'll be put to its highest and best use.
ORCA's Hail Mary - Self-awarded TWO bonus points for correctly calling the Arkansas-South Carolina final score: Arkansas wins 37 to 31. Old Ball Coach eats his visor on his post-game on his way out to the golf links.
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