Week 4 - NCAAFConverter says...

After last week's 3-2 outing, I thought NCAAFConverter was running as well as could be expected. Looking back to last week's picks, I realized I was the one who picked Auburn over Clemson after reviewing all the catfight gibberish the Converter spat out. However, the similarities between those results and the gibberish Dabo Sweeny was slinging after the game (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B72qHHdCeMY) are certainly in line with each other. The Converter's only bust was its pick of Florida State and I think that time may someday tell that the pick was not exactly wrong, only premature, before its time.

So I should have left well enough alone and not tinkered with NCAAFConverter, but I did not listen to my own advice and I tinkered with the machine. Now, I am sad to report, it seems to be running rough. For example, to test it out, I ran the Ole Miss-Georgia game through the machine and no matter how I mash the buttons, both teams come out at the end of the game with a 1-3 record. Go figure.



So I'm not really sure how this week's picks are going to turn out; let's get NCAAFConverter up to cruising speed and see what pops out:

1. Oklahoma State - Texas A&M

NCAAFConverter : Sidekick battle:


I think the powers that be over at A&M have failed to appreciate how much violence their move to the SEC will do in the sidekick universe (http://www.listafterlist.com/tabid/57/listid/11289/Personalities/Famous+Sidekicks.aspx). Did Tattoo ever abandon Fantasy Island for another? Did Sancho Panza ever change conferences on Don Quixote? But maybe the A&M Board of Regents realizes all too well that its overlord UT will always be hoggish at the trough; sometimes you just can't take it any more and you move on. So what do you think, Pistol Pete? Will you move out from under the shadow of OU as well? Since the Converter's guidance is muddled here, so I'm going with my gut, and respect for A&M, I'll take the AGGIES, thank you very much.

2. Arkansas - Alabama (Arkansas worth four points)

NCAAFConverter : HogTide. And the image says it all:

Seriously, there's no way I can pull for Alabama on this one; I'd rather take the loss than pick a non-Hog winner here. So I'll take ARKANSAS and the bonus points, thank you very much.

3. Florida State - Clemson

NCAAFConverter : An Indian in Death Valley:

The conversion is spot on (great job, Converter!) but the message is somewhat mixed. After consulting the programmer's guide, I think the prediction is that a legendary brand triumphs in the desert. Too bad Dabo Swinney's been wasting time this week trying to trademark Clemson's new slogan ("We got greatness in us!"); that feeling of greatness will turn to indigestion when the Seminoles ride victorious out of Death Valley after the game. So I'll take FSU, thank you very much.


 4. LSU - West Virginia (WVa worth three points)

 NCAAFConverter : 7th (Bengal) Mountain Battery of the Indian Army taking on Kyber Pass Afridis. Now I'll be honest, I sure did not see this one coming. I expected images of Sigmund & Roy-sized Bengal Tigers chasing down and devouring moccasin-clad Davey Crockett-types by the dozen. Instead, the Converter has led me to the border area between Afghanistan and Pakistan and bands of mountain men who have repeatedly defeated empires over the centuries. NCAAFConverter is clearly telling us that the Mountaineers have this one, so I'll go against my gut and take WEST VIRGINIA and the bonus point, thank you very much.



5. USC - Arizona State

NCAAFConverter : Trojan virus infects Sun Microsystems.

I have to be honest here; I think NCAAFConverter is not firing on all cylinders on this one. Sun Microsystems as an analog for the Sun Devils? The Converter promptly went into safety shutdown mode after generating this image; it's probably spooked from the mere thought of what a virus would do to its vital systems. So I'm on my own here, no way I'll pull for Kiffy's Trojans, I'll take ASU, thank you very much.

Week 1, NCAAFConverter Says....

More backfilled content!

I determined this week's picks by running the games through my new custom app NCAAFConverter, which converts and translates any given matchup to an equivalent relationship in a wholly unrelated field. I'm still working a few bugs out of the system but here is what NCAAFConverter has come up with so far:

1. South Florida - Notre Dame (USF worth four points)

NCAAFConverter : Leprechaun riding mechanical bull, and we all know how that will end (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DT07ZBQx3aw).

So I'll take South Florida and the bonus points, thank you very much.

(My only concern here is that NCAAFConverter did yield an alternative outcome : Leprechaun slamming Red Bull, and if this second conversion is the right one, then my pick is DOOMED.)

2.  BYU - Ole Miss

NCAAFConverter : Black Bear versus cougar! And we all know how that will end (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rW6U9mXvh8).

So in the interest of seeing if my faith in NCAACFConverter is well placed, I'll go against my gut and take Ole Miss, thank you very much.

(Actually, I was too impatient to wait for the video to load so I just scanned the comments; this one is representative: "Black bear uses swipe! But it missed! Cougar uses slash! But it's not very affective. Cougar flees! Black bear gained 32 exp.")

(Interestingly, on this one, NCAAFConverter yield two alternative outcomes, : Col. Reb versus cougar, and : shark versus cougar, so apparently my Ole Miss pick is solely attributable to UM's choice of a stupid black bear as its new, non-racist mascot.)

3. Oregon - LSU

NCAAFConverter : 555 South Eugene is WINNING! in Baton Rouge! You know you are ready to make an offer (http://www.trulia.com/property/3032534907-555-S-Eugene-St-Baton-Rouge-LA-70806) so act now!


So I'll take Oregon, thank you very much.

(NCAAFConverter really had a hard time with this one; it kept substituting the Auburn Tiger for LSU's Bengal Tiger, yielding a consistent Tiger win but only so long as the Tiger squad was adequately compensated.)

4.  Boise State - Georgia

NCAAFConverter : Buttercup cruising Manhattan in a sweet '73 Ford Bronco. Actually, I don't know how this one will end (http://manonthemove.com/2009/10/29/1973-ford-bronco-west-20th-street-nyc/).

I'm sorry, I hate to go against an SEC team, but with a name like Buttercup, and taking into account the possible infallibility of NCAFConverter, I have to go with the (sweet) Bronco; so I'll take Boise State, thank you very much.

(P.S., Mark Richt, don't feel bad when UGA VII (?) terminates your contact by peeing on it at the end of this season; you are a quality coach and you will find there's a bright future ahead of you in the Big East or ACC.)

5.  Miami - Maryland

NCAAFConverter : Diamonback terrapins released into hurricane-ravaged salt marsh, and we all know how that will end (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2n72x6jdlQ)(SARCASM). Actually, I'm sorry, maybe I launched NCAAFConverter too early because I have no clue what this means. Is this terrapin over hurricane because the reintroduction of these baby turtles into the marsh shows the resiliency of the species? Or is the main point that the hurricane slaughtered so many turtles in this marsh that now scientists are having to bring them in via bucket brigade?

So I am going my gut on this one, I'll take Maryland and the bonus point, thank you very much.

Week 2, NCAAFConverter says....

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Week 3, NCAAFConverter says...

Well, this is not the week for a Thursday night deadline; my day does not look good. Thankfully, after last week's outing, NCAAFConverter seems to be working well; the only muffed call was "lions over elephant" (what a disaster). I picked against the Converter on the UT-BYU game, should have gone with the machine and the Cougar Cattle Call. And on the Notre Dame game, Converter's "Leprechaun Crackhead Pot of Gold" was, well, pure gold.

Since time is short, I'm going to dial NCAAFConverter down to "images", let's see what comes up:

1.  LSU - Mississippi State
NCAAFConverter : Who doesn't love Nana . This adorable bulldog adopted a baby tiger at the Shirotori Zoo in Kagawa prefecture; the tiger cub was rejected by its mother. I for one am not surprised. The message here is loud and clear - State is just too kind and thoughtful to have that killer, win-at-all-costs attitude, and once again, Les Miles finds a way to win games in a way that perplexes and distresses the fan base. I'll take LSU, thank you very much.

For Les Miles:

Here's how to bring Texas A&M into the SEC while still keeping the total number of programs at 12 - Merge A&M with MSU, relocate the campus to Alexandria (http://friendsoftheprogram.net/2011/08/11/a-sound-business-model-for-texas-ams-move-to-the-sec/). How's that for a Conversion!

2. Auburn - Clemson

NCAAFConverter : [what else] catfight!

Who would have thought the Converter had a vast library of catfight images? Amazing. Only problem is, the Converter is having a great deal of difficulty distinguishing between the two Tiger programs. Both are Southern schools, not the respective state's flagship program, located in remote locations. What do to? I'm on my own again, and while Auburn's unlikely string of close game victories is surely about to end, Clemson's proven, consistent ability to underperform is stronger here, so I'll take AUBURN, thank you very much.

3.  Michigan State - Notre Dame

NCAAFConverter : a math sentence - 300 Spartans would be destroyed by 11 drunk Irishmen. . Can't argue with that. I'll take NOTRE DAME this week, thank you very much; your bonus point will go unused.

4.  Ohio State - Miami

NCAAFConverter : Buckeye prepares terminals for Hurricane Irene (http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/08/26/pipeline-operaions-buckeye-idUSL4E7JQ3I220110826; the Converter is sorry for the lack of an image). The Converter can scarcely believe that these two programs are playing each other, let alone to see them in the pool this week. What's the deal does the winner of this game get the UNC-USC winner? Better go with the Converter on this one, I'll take MIAMI, thank you very much.

5.  Oklahoma - Florida State
NCAAFConverter says : Better circle the wagons. The Converter consistently picks images of this guy   running down wagon trains of these guys . What a way to show that FSU is back; I'll take FSU, thank you very much.