Week 1, NCAAFConverter Says....

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I determined this week's picks by running the games through my new custom app NCAAFConverter, which converts and translates any given matchup to an equivalent relationship in a wholly unrelated field. I'm still working a few bugs out of the system but here is what NCAAFConverter has come up with so far:

1. South Florida - Notre Dame (USF worth four points)

NCAAFConverter : Leprechaun riding mechanical bull, and we all know how that will end (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DT07ZBQx3aw).

So I'll take South Florida and the bonus points, thank you very much.

(My only concern here is that NCAAFConverter did yield an alternative outcome : Leprechaun slamming Red Bull, and if this second conversion is the right one, then my pick is DOOMED.)

2.  BYU - Ole Miss

NCAAFConverter : Black Bear versus cougar! And we all know how that will end (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rW6U9mXvh8).

So in the interest of seeing if my faith in NCAACFConverter is well placed, I'll go against my gut and take Ole Miss, thank you very much.

(Actually, I was too impatient to wait for the video to load so I just scanned the comments; this one is representative: "Black bear uses swipe! But it missed! Cougar uses slash! But it's not very affective. Cougar flees! Black bear gained 32 exp.")

(Interestingly, on this one, NCAAFConverter yield two alternative outcomes, : Col. Reb versus cougar, and : shark versus cougar, so apparently my Ole Miss pick is solely attributable to UM's choice of a stupid black bear as its new, non-racist mascot.)

3. Oregon - LSU

NCAAFConverter : 555 South Eugene is WINNING! in Baton Rouge! You know you are ready to make an offer (http://www.trulia.com/property/3032534907-555-S-Eugene-St-Baton-Rouge-LA-70806) so act now!


So I'll take Oregon, thank you very much.

(NCAAFConverter really had a hard time with this one; it kept substituting the Auburn Tiger for LSU's Bengal Tiger, yielding a consistent Tiger win but only so long as the Tiger squad was adequately compensated.)

4.  Boise State - Georgia

NCAAFConverter : Buttercup cruising Manhattan in a sweet '73 Ford Bronco. Actually, I don't know how this one will end (http://manonthemove.com/2009/10/29/1973-ford-bronco-west-20th-street-nyc/).

I'm sorry, I hate to go against an SEC team, but with a name like Buttercup, and taking into account the possible infallibility of NCAFConverter, I have to go with the (sweet) Bronco; so I'll take Boise State, thank you very much.

(P.S., Mark Richt, don't feel bad when UGA VII (?) terminates your contact by peeing on it at the end of this season; you are a quality coach and you will find there's a bright future ahead of you in the Big East or ACC.)

5.  Miami - Maryland

NCAAFConverter : Diamonback terrapins released into hurricane-ravaged salt marsh, and we all know how that will end (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2n72x6jdlQ)(SARCASM). Actually, I'm sorry, maybe I launched NCAAFConverter too early because I have no clue what this means. Is this terrapin over hurricane because the reintroduction of these baby turtles into the marsh shows the resiliency of the species? Or is the main point that the hurricane slaughtered so many turtles in this marsh that now scientists are having to bring them in via bucket brigade?

So I am going my gut on this one, I'll take Maryland and the bonus point, thank you very much.